I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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