he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
