Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
