I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
