It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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