Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
