I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
