Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
