My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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