what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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