her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
