I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
