Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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