you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I pour the whiskey from now on
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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