I wish my penis had an off switch
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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