there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
