Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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