; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
