its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
