she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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