nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
