I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
