i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
