Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
