Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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