i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
they're like a gay fantastic four
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
