Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
