She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just pee around me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
