dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
