She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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