it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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