oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize