Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
