you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
