Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
