I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
