All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my liver is dry heaving
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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