you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's blow job season.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
