he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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