She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
