we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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