moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
