he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize