The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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