I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
