Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
