you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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