I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
