So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
