You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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