I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
