some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
