I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
