She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
