he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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