That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize