There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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