I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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