I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize