bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize