On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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