porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
