you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
