i would punch a child for taco bell
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
