Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize