Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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