Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
