WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this boner is exhausting
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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