God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
