Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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